


Anchors

by Jace_Diaz_Of_Hell



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: F/M, Sex, anyways i'm sure ronnie is a good bf, but cassie/jake is my everything, they were wild, you should have seen the tags on the draft for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 05:40:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11007129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jace_Diaz_Of_Hell/pseuds/Jace_Diaz_Of_Hell
Summary: It's been two years, but Cassie is still Jake's anchor.





	Anchors

“Jake.”

  
  


I wish I knew why I had lost it. I thought I was getting better. I thought the fits of rage, the retreating into myself was done.

Apparently not. The furniture was overturned. One chair had been ripped open, the stuffing spilling out of it. The room was emptied of reporters.

“Jake.”

The voice again. Someone was trying to talk to me. With an effort that felt like swimming through lead, I managed to look up at her.

“...Cassie?”

Only my surprise gave me the strength to talk. I hadn't seen Cassie since... How long had it been since Rachel's funeral?

And suddenly the reason for my outburst came back full force and I started shaking head to toe.

It was supposed to be a fancy dinner party with some people asking questions.

 _Okay,_ I had thought, _I could handle that._ But one of the reporters happened to have an awful filter when inebriated.

“God, buddy.” He had said, slamming down onto the table with a drunken chuckle. “If I were you, I would've just _offed_ myself.”

“ _What?”_ I demanded sharply, bewildered and a little freaked out. Who _was_ this man?

“You must fuckin' hate yourself.” He slurred, still wearing that pathetic grin. “I mean, how many people have you killed besides your cousin and your brother? And how many aliens?”

“Leave me alone.” I had told him, my throat closing up.

He must have said something else. I don't know what, because the next thing I remember is looking at the mess of overturned tables.

“Jake?” Cassie asked, giving my arm a gentle touch. If it were _anyone_ else, I would have jerked away violently. But it wasn't. It was _Cassie,_ here and real for the first time in a year.

“I'm sorry.” I said, looking down. I couldn't look her in the eyes, not now. “I don't know what came over me. I just...”

“I was watching.” Cassie said, her voice firm but gentle when I trailed off. “That guy had no right to say the things he did.”

I struggled to form a coherent sentence that would explain why I had come so undone. But there was no need. Cassie understood.

“I'm sorry.” I repeated. This time, the words that formed were different. “Cassie, I'm so sorry you had me for a leader, I was horrible, I killed Rachel and I killed my brother and-”

“Jake-” Cassie said, trying to break in, but I spoke over her gentle voice.

“-And _I should be the one who's dead._ ” I finished, my words bitter. Cassie's gentle tone turned sharp.

“Jake Berenson, don't you _dare_ say that.” She said.

“But-” I began.

“No buts. _Never_ say something like that, Jake. We were all just a bunch of kids. You were making fucked up choices in a fucked up war because it was the only thing you could do.” She said, grabbing my chin and pulling my face up. “ _Look at me.”_

I looked at her. She had grown her hair slightly, and it formed a small afro. She was wearing black slacks and an emerald green blouse. Her dark eyes were wise and gentle and so, so _sad._ Sad for what? For me? I didn't deserve her sadness, and I opened my mouth to tell her that.

She pressed a finger to my mouth, her eyes storming. “Don't interrupt me. I'm not finished.” When she was sure I was going to be silent, she continued. “We were sixteen when the end of the war happened. If the yeerks had never come, you would _just now_ be getting a letter from Selective Services to sign up for the draft board. But we were _thirteen_ when the yeerks came, thirteen when Elfangor gave us the morphing power.”

“I admit, the war might have gone a bit better if there had been an actual adult in any of the mess. _Might._ But there wasn't an adult. We didn't know who we could trust. So when we chose you to be our leader, _you were the best choice we had.”_ Cassie said, her words slow, clear and firm. “You were a teenager who was dropped into the middle of hell and you did the best you could under the circumstances. Now, I miss Rachel every day-”

Here her voice wavered and broke for a moment. Tears were welling up in her eyes. “-but that doesn't mean I don't understand. I know that was the only choice you had available to you. I lost my best friend and the boy I love that day.”

_What?_

“It was hard on me.” She said softly. “But if it's that hard on me, I can't help but imagine how much worse it is on you. You lost your cousin and your brother to a war we never should have had to fight. And you also lost _yourself._ “

She paused, and I waited for her next words, hanging onto them like they were a lifeline. She was so,so wise, my Cassie. She had been the one who had kept us from going too far for so long.

“But that doesn't mean you have to lose me too.” She said quietly, looking at me. Now there was something in her eyes I couldn't identify. “Or Marco, or Ax. And Tobias will come around.”

“He shouldn't ha-”

“Jake, I don't know if he's really all that angry with you.” Cassie said, and I couldn't help but be surprised. “He lost the girl he loves. For three years he thought she was the only person who cared about him. He just doesn't see how much we care about him. Give him time, and he'll come back.”

I nodded slightly, looking her in the eye.

“Marco misses you.” She told me. She was sitting next to me now. “He likes show business well and good, but he needs someone who understands what we went through. And he's told me himself that I can't be that person.”

I felt guilt welling up in me. Marco was my best friend. How long had it been since I had answered a call or message from him? I didn't know.

“Ax?” I asked her.  
“He's been busy out in space.” She admitted, watching me. “But he's worried about you, too. He asks your parents how you are a lot.”

Well. If Ax even checked in on me, I needed to get it together.

Finally I asked the question I had been fighting back.

“You?” I whispered, looking at her. “How do you feel?”

Cassie looked back at me, her eyes so dark and knowing. One of her chocolate-colored hands came up and cupped my face, and then she was kissing me.

It was soft and short, but it felt like it was a lifetime to me. When she pulled back, she smiled slightly.

“I gave my heart to you a long time ago.” She whispered. “I don't want to take it away.”

I couldn't help but stare at her.

Cassie still loved me. Cassie still wanted me, even knowing how fucked up I was.

“Are you sure?” I asked quietly. “I mean... I'm kind of broken.”

And Cassie smiled so sadly it made my heart hurt.

“I'm just as broken as you are.” She said. “I just hide it better.”

She stood and held out her hand, always ready to be an anchor. I placed my hand in hers and climbed to my feet slowly, painfully.

She straightened my tie, breathing a sigh of relief that it hadn't come undone, and fixed my collar. I smiled at her crookedly.

A flash of long ago threatened to pull me back into my memory, of another kiss on another world, when the eerie blue eyes of a Howler were on my mind, and the world screamed in color all around us.

I wasn't on the Iskoort world, I reminded myself. I was leaving some fancy restaurant whose name I couldn't remember, and Cassie was holding my hand.

Together we left the building, only to see the same drunk reporter. Cassie went to steer me away, but I shook my head slightly, making my way over to him.

“You're right.” I told him quietly. “I do hate myself. But someday, I'll be at peace with who I am. I look forward to that day.”

With that, Cassie pulled on my hand gently, leading me away.

“Will you come home with me?” I asked her quietly. “I...”

When my voice trailed off, Cassie nodded.

“I know.” She said. “I don't want to be alone either.”

* * *

“Do you want tea? Or hot chocolate?” I asked Cassie, standing at the stove.

“Tea is fine.” Cassie said, smiling at me. I nodded and poured the boiling water into the mugs, adding a tea bag to her mug and stirring cocoa mix into mine.

“I didn't know you liked a hot drink before bed.” Cassie said lightly, trying to make conversation.

“It helps me sleep, some nights.” I said, smiling at her. “I don't _need_ it to sleep tonight, at this point its just habit.”

I brought over the tea mug to her and sat across from her, sipping from my drink.

Cassie waited as hers steeped before drinking from it. Now that she was here I couldn't stop looking at her. As I sipped from my cocoa I found myself saying,

“So, what do you do now? Outside of after-war things like the rest of us.”

Cassie took a long drink from her mug, looking at me.

“I'm starting up my own clinic as well as helping out at the Wildlife Rehabilitation clinic,” She began. “And I was just recently accepted to college. I'm going to be a vetrinarian.”

I couldn't help but smile. Cassie was following her dreams. She was recovering. She might still be broken, but she was healing. I wondered if I would someday heal.

“What do you want to do?” She asked me. I paused, thinking.

“I'm not sure. They want me to take an actual part in the army, but... I don't think I could handle that.” I admitted. “I might go to school and become a history teacher. I think that would be good for me.”

“You would be a great teacher.” Cassie said, and I blushed slightly. “It's true.” She insisted. “You know a lot about history. No one can tell people what it was like that night on the Delaware, but _you_ can. And you can explain things so people can understand you. I know it.”

I set down my mug and leaned across the table, pressing my lips to hers softly. She kissed me back, her hand squeezing my wrist.

I moved around the table and pulled her to me, wanting to be closer. _Needing_ to be closer. This night with Cassie was the first time I had voluntarily touched another human being without cringing in months.

She pressed closer against me and I pulled her onto my lap, hesitating at her squeak of surprise. She kissed me softly, though, murmuring against my lips.

“It's okay. It's okay.” She whispered as she pressed against me. Heat flushed through my body. “Let's move upstairs.” She whispered.

I nodded and somehow got to my feet without dropping her. She looped her arms around my neck and locked her legs around my hips, and I deepened the kiss as we stumbled up the stairs.

I fumbled for the doorknob to my room as Cassie moved her lips to press a kiss on the underside of my jaw, making me gasp just slightly. She grinned, bright white teeth flashing in her dark face, and I grinned back.

The door opened and I staggered towards the bed, falling backwards on to it.

I craned my head up to kiss Cassie and she met me halfway, her lips melding against mine. Her hands unknotted the tie at my neck,Her fingers moving clumsily over the buttons. At the same time my hands were reaching up under her blouse, fumbling for the clasp of her bra. I couldn't find one and I felt Cassie chuckle against me.

"Its a sports bra." She said with a laugh, pulling off her shirt and then the bra. “It doesn't have one.”

I knew somewhere in the back of my mind I would be vaguely embarrassed I hadn't realized that, but brushed it off as Cassie pushed my shirt off of my shoulders.

I pulled her down to kiss her again, my hands sliding down her body. I found the waistband of her slacks and tried to slip my fingers in, but the slacks were tight on her hips, and she had yoga pants- tight so she could morph them- on underneath.

I sat up slightly to pull off my tight morphing shirt, my hands drifting back to Cassie's hips before I looked up at her.

_She's so beautiful._

“Can I?” I asked, and she nodded, her eyes shadowed with an emotion I had never before seen in her eyes- a sort of hungry look.

As soon as she nodded I unbuttoned the slacks and pushed them off. She rose up slightly off my hips to get them off of her, her thumbs hooking in the waistband of her yoga pants and pulling them off as well.

And then she was straddling my hips again, my hands resting on her hips as she undid the belt on my dress pants. She pulled them off, and the bike shorts along with them.

I could tell we were both hesitating even though we didn't really want to, so I leaned up and pressed my lips against hers softly.

“Do you want to stop?” I asked her, quietly, my voice rough with everything I was feeling.

I could see her pause to consider it, but she shook her head slightly, kissing me firmly. My hands traveled up her sides and I ran a thumb lightly over one of her nipples, surprised and gratified when she gasped slightly, pressing into my hand.

I continued circling her nipple with my thumb, committing everything to memory- the little bumps around it, the way she felt against me, the quiet moans she was making.

_This is real. This isn't a dream. She's really here._

Her hands drifted down, pulled my boxers off of me. One of her thumbs brushed along my length, and my breath hitched.

She grinned almost mischievously then, her white teeth flashing in the dimness of the room. I moved slightly, pressing a kiss where her jaw and neck met and sucking lightly, just until I heard a soft whine from her.

And then my hands moved down, resting lightly on the elastic of her underwear.

When I looked back up at her face, she nodded slightly, pulling her underwear off. Then she moved slightly, sinking down onto me.

I resisted an urge thrust my hips up, biting my lip and clutching her hips.

She made a soft noise somewhere between a whine and a moan, pausing while she adjusted.

When she was ready, she started rocking her hips slowly. A barely there moan left her lips and I was biting my own, trying to be quiet- I was sure my parents were asleep.

I began moving my hips against hers and she hissed softly, clutching my shoulders.

The heat and tension in my stomach area was becoming unbearable as she rocked her hips against me, and I was making breathless noises I didn't know I was capable of making.

Cassie's breath was coming faster in my ear and next thing I knew she was swearing, her eyelids flickering. I wasn't far behind her, gasping out her name.

Cassie moved off of me and snuggled into my side, and I wrapped my arms around her, watching as her eyes closed and her breath evened out. I could feel my own eyes growing heavy with rest, but I pressed a kiss to the back of her head.

“Love you,” I whispered quietly.

Then I picked up my phone and opened the messaging system.

_Want to come over tomorrow and play Mario Kart?_

Marco replied within a minute.

_Yeah, but not till Cassie leaves. I don't want to be blinded by the force of your attraction._

I snorted out a small laugh, finally letting myself drift into sleep.

For the first time in five years, no nightmares came.

 


End file.
